I'd Like To Rank the Academy

Growing up, watching The Academy Awards was always a main event in my life. I loved everything about them: the stars, the clothes, the speeches - regardless of whether or not I had actually seen any of the films - I just reveled in the magic and fanfare of it all. I dreamt that one day, I too would be there receiving an Oscar of my very own!
Well, that fantasy still lingers in the back of my mind - I'm not gonna lie. Quite frankly, even after all of these years of rejection, bad luck, bad timing, etc. I'm grateful that my fantasy has survived! I mean, I'm still much too young to be embittered by the crap that has befallen me throughout my quest of making a solid career for myself in the industry. I still have faith in myself and in the rest of the world out there that one day soon, I will make things happen. I think that this positive outlook on life is what has kept me going while wading through all of the mucky muck that is out there.

So I watched some of the Academy Awards this year. I feel a little guilty watching the Oscars when I haven't managed to see all of the movies that are up for awards. I owe it to myself to be more informed, but to be honest, the allure of this ceremony has worn a little thin over the past few years. I guess I've just grown a leery and weary of Hollywood and all of the ridiculous stories about its stars. Some of those people out there are out of their ever-loving minds. Granted sometimes the madness breeds some beautiful pieces of work - but there are far too many movie stars out there who have tarnished the shine of that place that I once thought to be so magical.

I often yearn for the good old days when we didn't know everything about the stars we worshipped. It was more fun to fill in the blanks about them ourselves and imagine what it must be like to be living their oh so perfect lives. Now we have come to find out that their lives are just as fucked up, or usually even more so than the rest of ours. (*see Mickey Rourke) How am I supposed to look up to these people?

I suppose one day, if good fortune smiles on me and I become a star - I'll just have to be the best role model I can be for other burgeoning starlets of tomorrow. Of course, I won't have much choice in the matter. I'll have to be on my best behavior because in the land of Hollywood, no one is gonna take crap from a female star who's over 30.