That 70s Faux

This afternoon I youtubed some 70s Game Show - mostly I found myself watching old clips of "Barker's Beauties" from The Price is Right...creepy! When I had had gleaned quite enough information and inspiration from the web, I rummaged through my closet in search of the most 70s-like frocks I could find. I proved to be the right person for the job because I emerged with not one but three dresses, two of which are actually vintage dresses circa 1970s. Not only that, in my most recent shoe binge where I purchased four fabulous pairs of Steve Madden shoes at 15 bucks a pair, I had the forethought to scoop up the most amazing pair of white patent leather, oh-so-seventies wooden platforms. Fifteen dollah! Top that! They were too good to pass up and to my credit I knew that I would find a use for them. No time like the present when dressing up for the past! That's what I always say!

Apparently there is no end to my & array of costumes because I even managed to produce a long, blond polyester wig from the back of a drawer stocked with odds and ends.

When I arrived to the venue in the Village - the guys running the show were pretty impressed with me, but I will say that I was definitely a little overly prepared. Sadly the gig wasn't quite as cool as I had hoped it would be. The performance space was a tiny 11 by 20 foot room lined with cruddy old leopard-print carpeting in the basement of a bar. Having participated in a number of bringer shows and independently run improv shows in the past, I've performed in some pretty crappy spaces, but this one was especially dismal. Despite all of the warning signs that said tonight's show wouldn't be one for the books - or the resume, I embraced my role as the bimbo game show gal and proceeded to change into my costume which consisted of a faux pucci metallic dress, polyester wig and the patent leather platforms in the shady unisex bathroom. I got a few sideways looks from the upstairs bar patrons while prepping my wig, but oh well, I thought - I'm a performer!

When I emerged from the bathroom/changing room, it was show time - but we still had an empty house and no comedians. I sat awkwardly at a table while the host went upstairs to drum up some unwitting audience members. The nonplussed cocktail waitress warned me to watch my wig around the candles. Everything in this room wreaked of sadness and desperation. In fact the whole room just plain old wreaked! Moments later when the host returned with the first two audience members that he had plucked off the street he instructed the waitress and I to applaud "for the first new people of the night." Ay yay yay! Welcome to Awkward Town, Population: me! I was instantly reminded why I had parted ways with the standup community so long ago. People were reluctantly straggling in from the bar, performers were canceling at the last minute less than 10 minutes before the start of the show... sheesh!

I felt sorry for the guys running the thing - and when the standup comics started making fun of the thing in their sets, I started feeling even sorrier for myself! I wasn't sure how I was going to get through this show with my own dignity in tact, but it wasn't as if anyone but my boyfriend knew who I was, so who cares if I'm just making a fool of myself?

Initially the agreement was for the guys in charge to buy me food and drinks, but at the last minute they decided to throw me forty bucks! Sweeet!

I had had my fill of the place, so I took the money and ran! It wasn't the best gig ever, but it's the first one I've been paid for in a while - so I'll take it!