The Big Showcase

Tonight was the night of the big agent showcase! The last three weeks had all been leading up to this moment - and I wanted so badly to knock the socks off of the four agents who were invited to sit in on our auditions.

I put on my pretty new "vixen" red "Butter" dress and was ready to dazzle the room with my vocal prowess.

Since it had been such a supportive environment the whole way through, I was appreciative of the fact that ll of us were going to be allowed to sit in the room and watch each other during our individual "auditions."

Watching those ahead of me - I was surprised that I didn't feel nervous, but entertained by their performances. After each performance, everyone received verbal feedback from each agent individually.

They were pretty tough on some people - less so on others. It was interesting to see the reactions and impressions that were made.

When it came my turn - I felt exhilarated! I was ready to rock and roll!
I sang my little heart out on "Journey to the Past" and tore up the room with "Smash the Mirror" - I felt good.

The agents reactions? Not so impressed.

"You need to energize your body a bit more." said one agent.
"I think that there wasn't enough contrast vocally in both of your songs." said another.
"You need to drive the rhythm forward in 'Smash the Mirror' more - don't let the accompanist drag you along." said the third.

"Put that in your pot and smoke it," I said to myself.

All in all, I wasn't walking away with representation tonight. Ah yes, It seems I have some really serious work to do. I wanted them to all love me! Really, really LOVE me!
"But, didn't you like anything at all?" I wanted to ask them?
I felt so utterly exposed. An icy chill ran up and down my spine. Not a single complimentary word graced their lips. I searched each of their faces for a reassuring smile.
Nothing.

When they were finished with their critique of me, I returned to my seat and tried to act normal. "That was supposed to have gone much better," I thought to myself.

What was worse - there were still a few more people that had to go up for their time in front of the judges. I had to sit there and watch them while trying to resist the impulse to run screaming from the room. I kept wishing that I could turn back time and do it all over again. But that was that. I sat and watched and listened to the remaining women in the class, trying to clear my head of the negative, self-critical words that were swirling through my brain. UGH!

Once all of the auditions were through, we had a brief Q&A with the agents. They threw out a few names of teachers and coaches in the city, several of whom I'm going to look into. I need to be a better auditioner. I don't have it down to a science quite yet. If I'm going to have the kind of success that I am after in this industry, I need to get better at auditioning.

On the written feedback sheets that all of us received on our way out, the agents remarked that I performed the songs well, but if it were up to them, I wouldn't be cast in a principal role on or off-Broadway. (sigh)

The best I can hope for now is for them to lose my headshot and resume so that when I get up in front of them - or those just like them again in another six months or so, they will see what they were missing.

This was a very important wake-up call, indeed! Back to the drawing board I go! I may not have wowed these folks tonight, but I'll be back with a vengeance - (poor choice of words, perhaps?) You'll see - this isn't the last of me!