Audi-shunned!!!

I woke up bright and early today at 7:30 in the a.m. and by 8:00 I was ready to roll. I emerged from the subway with the rest of the rush hour crowd and headed to the Roy Arias Theater Center. Not knowing what to expect I found my heart pounding in anticipation of seeing 100 people already congregated out in front. As I approached, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that there wasn't much of a crowd there at all. As a matter of fact, I was #41 on the unofficial sign-in sheet that was being passed around by all of the early risers.

It was around 8:30 when one of the early birds reported back to the rest of us that those in chrge would begin the process of taking us upstairs at approximately 9:30. So be it. With an hour to kill I cracked open my hard cover copy of "Good Harbor" and copped a squat on the sidewalk. At times like these I prefer to keep to myself unless someone goes out of their way to engage me in conversation. It's nothing personal, but I just find it too early in the morning to strike up polite chit chat with strangers.

I was minding my own business when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a small film crew approaching my portion of the line. These cats were with TheaterMania.com and they were going through the line interviewing people. I'm not usually big into being interviewed in this type of situation where the purpose of the interview is gratuitous exploitation, but it was early yet and I wasn't completely thinking straight so when approached I suddenly heard myself say, "Alright, I'll be interviewed."

The correspondent who's name I later found out is Evan was kind enough to keep his interviews brief. He asked me my name, which I later regretted giving, and why I thought I should be "Broadway's Next Big Sensation."
"It's just my time," I said, trying not to sound too full of myself.
One fun thing was that I actually managed to fit in a plug about my blog, Broadway By 30!
"And you're welcome for the free plug," said Evan as he made a mental note to edit that entire section of the interview out in post.
"And what are you singing today? Would you like to sing a bit of it?"

Darn! I hate when they do that. "No, not really," I thought.

"I'll sing it with you!" Evan encouraged.
With that I sang a few bars while Evan pretended to sing along. It was great, and by great I mean kinda pathetic. I admit that hamming it up on the spot is something I have to work on. I just hate doing it. I'm not a wind-up monkey dammit!

And with that my five nanoseconds of fame were over. Evan and his crew of two continued down the line in search of hammier hams than I to ham it up in front of the cam. "I wish that hadn't been quite so painful," I thought. "Never mind that now! We've got an audition to do!"
...in 2 hours.

I went back to reading my book and playing with my phone until the powers that were began filing us inside in groups of ten. We made our way through a narrow hallway to the holding room where a lovely monitor with a charming British accent was signing us in. This time I was #31. Wow! That's much sooner than I thought! My throat tightened up a little at the thought. "Am I able to sign up for a later time?" I asked the monitor?
"Best to get in there earlier in the day when they're still fresh," he advised.
"You're right." I signed my name next to #31.
"Hope this is my lucky number!" I thought to myself.

It was already 10:15 and at the rate they were going I would be seen at around 11:30. Yikes!
I made a b-line for the bathroom and fixed my hair and makeup. Primping before an audition always has a calming effect. I also started doing lip trills and the Fran Drescher technique that had been prescribed to me by my teacher the day before.
"Neee-ah, neee-ah, neeee-ah..."
"brrrrrrrrrr!!!!"

Once I got started, it wasn't long before others joined in creating a cacophony of vocalizations. An alien dropped down from another planet might have mistaken all of us for patients in a mental ward. No, no - we're just getting ready to sing like the blazes!

I was feeling good and ready when they called numbers 21-36 to line up in another narrow passageway outside of the audition studio. This is how veal must feel. One by one we ushered ourselves into the audition room like cattle to the slaughter. (They don't call it a "Cattle Call" for nuthin'.) The cold hard truth is that some of us will be made into USDA Grade A filet, while others will be cut into ground chuck. I just hope I make the first cut!

Waiting on deck is probably one of my least favorite parts of auditioning. The anticipation, the clammy hands. Also, you can usually hear the people ahead of you in the room, and it's hard not to size yourself up against them while you're patiently awaiting your time to shine. What you need sometimes is a distraction. Lucky for us, Evan and his crew showed up again!
Ay yay yay! This time he was interviewing us poor bastards as we were getting ready to go into the audition room and as we came out. I really just wanted to be left alone so that I could focus in and audition, but I decided to lighten up and embrace the absurdity of it all.

It seemed like they were holding onto some people and having them do things that were listed in their special skills section like bird calls and singing with a southern twang. I was ready for anything!

Finally my time had arrived - I entered the room which was more like a miniature black box theater with amphitheater-style seating and a small raised thrust stage. The accompanist sat stage right behind a baby grand. I stepped confidently onto the stage and handed my sheet music to the accompanist. "Starting here, and going to the end," I told her.

"Be calm," I told myself. "You've got this!"

"What will you be singing for us today?" asked the yound gentleman down in front.
"Journey to the Past, from Anastasia," I replied. And off I went.

"One step at a time, one hope then another, who knows where this road may go..."
The song flowed out of me like rain. The last note filled the room and it was over. I was feeling good. That song felt good.

"Where are you from?" the auditor inquired with a smile.
"Philadelphia, originally, but now I live in New York."
"How did you hear about us?"
"I'm on the NYMF mailing list"
"Good answer!"
"Have you ever taken part in any other singing competitions?"
"Actually, no." I responded - (is that a good thing or a bad thing I wondered)
"Well, welcome!"
"Thank you."

And that was all she wrote. I retrieved my music and left the room. What had just happened in there? I didn't get to do my finny Cartman voice or my Shakira impression! That would have loved that!

Not a second after I emerged from the room there was Evan again, waiting to interview me post slaughter.
"So, Robin you were just ejected from the room."
(That's putting it mildly)
"Yeah," I said hazily.
"So, how'd it go?"
"I'm not sure, they didn't ask me to do any special skills for them."
"What's one of your special skills?"
"Well, I do a pretty good Eric Cartman impression."
"Can we hear a bit of it?"

I did my impression without any hesitation this time. It looks like my hamming-it-up skills are improving already.

We were told that they would be making phone calls to those who made the callbacks after 8pm tonight. It's after 11pm now and no phone call.

Ah well, I gave it my best shot. And sometimes, that's the best that anyone can do! It looks like my quest for Broadway isn't going to be realized this soon.

One step at a time, one hope then another,
who knows where this road may go?

Looks like this road to Broadway is just at the beginning.